Blue... I spent at least 3 hours doing this... so may layers of blue!!!!
But they dont look THAT fake!
Ok.. I promise this will be the last eyes I post this... days??
Why don't you do somethin'?? :: 8:09 PM
I was very bored this mornin' so I grabbed a pic of me and with a lil help of photoshop now I no longer have brown eyes!!!
Happy Halloween!!!!!
Why don't you do somethin'?? :: 10:43 AM
I colored my eyes again... this time lighter and for tomorrow I'll have this wonderfull blue eyes im doing!!! you wouldnt believe!!! well, you will cause Im gonna post them here!
Why don't you do somethin'?? :: 1:28 AM Enjoy ladys!!!! But remember I saw him first!!!!! Bye!
Today, well, it was tecnicaly today cause it was yersterday after twelve...so today, veeeery early!. I went to ticho's house at night, we rented a movie and when it started, after a couple of scenes I fell inlove with actor... MY GOSH!!!! He is soooooo hot and cute and... well, he has this evil, mystique expresion... Grrrrrrr! It make you wanna... lala!!
*ha,ha!*
His name is Aaron Eckhart..., Im sure I knw him before this movie and I cant seem to remember from where cause I havent seen possesion or the core... But Ive seen Erin... Broco...(I dunno how to spell that surname!!) Anyway, he doesnt look anything like what he looks like now in that movie!.
Anyway, he reminded me of someone, and I fell immediately inlove with him... why do girls always fall for the bad guy??? CAUSE HE IS BAD AND SEXY!!!!!
Here I'll leave a pic... an eye candy!!!
Why don't you do somethin'?? :: 11:57 PM
Dreaming is for free. The one who said that had either a dream so far gone it was imposible to achieve, or one so close it had come true the second that person finished saying that line. 'Cause I've dreamed, we all have, and it aint for free, in fact it has the highest price.
Lets consider a silly dream... Im a girl and I fancy a boy, add a spoon of instant dream maker and you end up with the girl picturing everyposible situation in which that boy would tell her he feels exactly the same as her and then he will kiss her and their love will be true for ever and blah, blah, blah. We all had that one..., right girls???. Well, what Im saying is that, now that dream is her inner stength, what keeps a smile on her face, the thought of that happening is so wonderfull that just the thought is enough.
But what happens when the enemy of dreams shows up? Who? TIME. Time can kill any dream. When the girl realizes the boy isnt going to tell her he loves her, he aint gonna hold her close to him and kiss her passionately, there will be no music, no sunset... just cold and raw reality. What happens to the girl now her motor is broken? Its the worst feeling a sane person can experience. Deseption. You might think there are hundred of worst things, but this one is between you and you, its an inner fight. You feel lame infront of the mirror, how could you ever think he would... Its sad, you feel low, blue, some might cry, others might not, it depends on what killed the dream. But to put and end to illution is the worst thing you might ever do and experience.
I've dreamed a lot. I love lullabys, everynight I create one new, or I carry on with one that might later be turned into paper. Its a hobbie I have and that is very usefull to fall asleep. But how many times have I used real people in them, tons, and how many times have they turned out to be the most wonderful dream.. many. How many tines have they turned out to be true... none. And it takes away the smile of my face each time it happens, I feel sad and tired... its really something I do not enjoy. That smash against the wall, when you hear a voice shouting "ITS NOT GONNA HAPPEN!!!" Its like a hand entering your chest and pulling out the dream roughly and then tearing it in hundred of tiny pieces in front of your face. All you can do is watch and listen to a million reasons of why that was imposible. It hurts and it leaves a mark behind you'll never forget. I remember every big disillution, and you might think after two or three you learnl.... YOU DONT. You'll say to yourself, this time is different, this time Im sure it will become true..., one can be so naive!!!.
I have a dream now, and though a lil tiny piece of it has become true, Im walking towards the wall, not very fast, but the hit will hurt anyway. Im feeling hopeless and impotent infront of the situation, there is only one thing that would bring back that spirit, that strength that keeps you holding on and going on. Im loosing that with each second that passes, I no longer have that cheerfull mood so common in me, I dont feel like jumping or singing... im going down the hill. But this is life and one must accept it with all its up and downs. I love you, but you dont love me... so what? It wouldnt be the first time, and it wont be the last either.
Dreaming is for free???..., yeah right!
Why don't you do somethin'?? :: 11:27 AM
Good outcome..., cant deny im happy, i wish maybe a lil more could have come from out "chat" but..., sth good will come out of it, if not, Im Lovin' it (like mcdonalds!!!)
Bye!
Per!
Why don't you do somethin'?? :: 11:26 PM
"C'mon girl... deep breath!"
"Im so..."
"I know, I know... but chill, you have thought about the consecuences, its time to do sth. After all you have tons of gals to support you aftrwards"
"You know I tend to lock myself afterwards!!"
"Yeah, but I think this girls might tear down your door, you cant play it safe, its not healthy!"
"I know, but why ruin this! There has to be another way to find out that without ruining this!"
"You tried, you couldnt find what you wanted... its time to ask. You have no other chiose"
"He is going to kill me, you know that... im gonna be a misery of person if things turn out like I expect"
"You already expect that, you are ready to hear that, so it wont be much of a shock, relax... he might not even call!!!"
"Yeah, that would make me a lil angry, and things in "heat" are worst, I dont know what I may say"
"Just relax!"
"So easy to say, you are not in my shoes!!"
"Figure of speach..."
"Oh shut up!. *sigh* ommmm"
"Thats much better... relax, thigs might turn out to be..."
"Shut up!, dont even say that or you might ruin the 1% probability"
"Ok, ok... weirdo... *sings* Try the best to make it through the day, just tell yourself I, I'll be ok "
"Thanks 4 the support"
"You are welcome"
Bye!
Why don't you do somethin'?? :: 9:47 AM
Im so inlove with my new layout...doesnt she look amazing?? and with the sparkles I placed it looks like if she was shining!!!. I love it... still cant believe I did it, with help of course, but I did the pics!!!
I spent the whole day singing this line from Mcfly's "Ballad of Paul K."
"Into a middlife crisis,
he cant afford the prices of,
the new kitchen floor he's buying.
He's been a drunk all his life,
two kids a dog and a wife, he doesnt know..."
I dont know what else it says until the chorus so... All day long that tune was in my head...
"When life is being unkind...,
and you're lost in your mind...,
look in the mirror,
afraid of what you'll find...
... seems like time is not on your side"
I like the song I guess...
Anyway, class was fine, I never even noticed that 4 hours had gone by... We had a blast! We also got kinda bad news, our teacher passed the exam he had and now he may have to go to work in the countryside. Pitty, I really liked his classes, plus I learned a lot, and with the nervousness I lost some weight... It was all positive with this teacher!!!
But, this is what he wants and I cant do anything more than wish him the best and good luck!
Ok, there is nothing more to... YES THERE IS!!!!!!! Today I started writing my own story, I have created 4 characters so far and a mountine!!! And I have so much going on in my head... Im creating places, and people and secuences and I cant keep track of it!!!! The worst is that if I want to write it down, mi mind goes like millions of times faster than my hand and... well, its awsome!!! I love creating process' I remember when I was writing "SotO" that I used to lay in bed at night thinking and all of the sudden came this rush of creativity and I turned on the light and wrote on the first piece of paper I could find. Later on I used to have a block and a pen next to my bed, just in case... and it came very handy!!!!.
I love doing things, you all know that, if it is drawing, painiting, writing, cooking, I love creating things! I cant help it, its been that way since I was a kid... everyone used to call me "lil inventor" cause i used to go around inventing things... from stories to machines, and structures and all... I was a hyper child!!! I was never still nor quiet! Im still the same...
Gotta go, a biscuit awaits me downstairs!!!!
Bye!
Why don't you do somethin'?? :: 11:43 PM
So???? what can you ppl tell me about my new layout??? I DID IT!!! all alone!!! and whats better is that it took me like an hour only!!!. I want opinions!!!!!!!!!
Monday monday!!... so good to be.. GOOD??!! No, im studing again after a books-free weekend...so no good!. What happened this weekend absolutly nothing!. I had the most common, peaceful, boring weekend ever!!! I wasnt even sick so I could loose some more weight!..f*ck.
Friday we had that party at the univ... and then came saturday, I was bored as hell... and then I saw this movie that was very very sad and by the time I went to bed I was a lil depress (boredom and sadness lead only to depresion!!!) Nothing mayor...just a state for a while!
Sunday came... I talked a lot with mum and we came to this fantastic conclution!!!, Now we need to comunicate that to Alejandra... JKR cone!!!. Its great!!! (In talking HP of course!!!)
That afternoon I went to the cinema to see "the bride's corp" and it was... TOO SHORT!... C'mon... an hour????!!! AN HOUR!!!!!!!????? HP lasts 2:30!!! and Im always eager for more so imagine an hour!...
Talked with him, didnt say it. I dont think I should though the voice on my left encourages me to do so. I dunno... I have to talk it with the pillow... again.
I might go after all to the big, huge party on saturday... it all depends on the univ.
Im having this overall nervous feeling... and I cant seem to find the reason for it. It has nothing to do with Him, and I think it has nothing to do with class... maybe is one of those presentiment I tend to have, but I dont like them when they are bad... I like the good ones, and its been a while since the last time I had one!!! But I do remember the last bad one, just before I started this page..., that party where both coincide...I knew from the moment I bought that ticket that sth was going to happen there... it turned out to be sth nice after a major screw up... hope this time is the same without the screw up. My guts are killing me!!! whats gonna happen!!!???
Im gonna try to numb that feeling with some music.
Bye!
Why don't you do somethin'?? :: 3:59 PM
I was just recording a cd for carol and I was creating this "Cheer up" folder and I was looking for in my Britney section for songs. The blond lady always has a song or two that cheer me up... and saw this song I havent heard in a long time and I would love to dedicate it to someone... if you know who, dont say!!!.
You got that thing that I can't deny
So move it over here, oh yeah!
You're giving signs that I recognize
Say what you want, oh yeah
Baby, there's something about you
Show me, that nothing can hold you down
Cause I, I must confess
I'm feeling you right now
So, baby, take your chance
And show your confidence
Oh, baby, tell me who you are
You make my body scream
You make me believe
that you're what I'm waiting for
(Don't you be intimidated)
Just be a man
Show me where you stand
Positively, oh yeah
I don't come off shy if you want me back
And if my E-G-O's O*, no, don't give up to fast
Baby, there's something about you
Show me, that nothing can hold you down
Cause I, I must confess
I'm feeling you right now
Chorus
It doesn't matter, boy
As long as you're diggin' me
So much we can be, oh
Yes, it's true...
But first you gotta make the move
For me to see what I want with you!
Chorus!
ok... that was all I had to say!. bye bye!
Why don't you do somethin'?? :: 10:03 PM
Today I was told that someone is doing an english proyect on this page... hilarous!!! Go ahead...if it helps... im sure it wil be more interesting than a proyect about the rainforest, the pollution or things like that ppl always do proyects about!.
Yesterday I went to a party from the univ. It was fun... not as much fun as it would have been if he had gone, but, as always, I found a way to entertain myself. First this friend from the univ that is always very correct and seirious had had one too many drinks and was so drunk!!!!!!. It was hilarous (<-- i love that word!) we danced and joked around... Im gonna have so much fun on monday teasing him!!!.
I lost track of vale who was very close to this blond guy... in my opinion he was puag! but, there is nothing written about taste right? (<-- that line is so translated!) Then we stayed with melina until 6:45 am walking around dancing here, talking there... fun.
Pitty ticho and caro left early..., we took a lot of pics with ticho's new camara, some are excellent, others are... well, classical pictures of many friends having a blast... so yeah, horrible!!!
What else? I got up at 2:30 today, weird... (considering that if I go out I wake up the least at 11!!) and I woke up 'cause fede sent me a messagge (I never know how to write this word, 2 s?, 2g?... clueless!!). We talk about doing sth tonight... where is that gonna end? in nothing... I so want to see his friend tonight (yes, HIM!!!) but Im kinda used to not seeing him, so...
Im gonna go now, have a coffee, maybe some cookies... yesssss... Nice talking to you all!
bye!
Why don't you do somethin'?? :: 5:15 PM
Aca estoy nuevamente escribiendo en español para usted... por suerte sin razon alguna mas que la de contarle algo. Nada emocionante... bueno, si usted me dijera alguna de las cosas que tengo planeadas escribir mas adelante para mi seria mas que emocionante... pero... sigo sin saber que efecto puedo llegar a tener en usted (de tener uno...).
Lo primero que queria decir, y le cuento que no espero que usted me pueda contestar esto porque o no se da cuenta, o si tiene una razon y es la que yo pienso no me la va a decir, es que no puedo evitar el notar la diferencia que hay entre el Martin con el que hablo por teléfono y el Martin que saludo en facultad. Son 2 personas absolutamente distintas..., mientras por teléfono es hablador, MUY MOLESTO!!!, curioso... en la facultad es serio, callado... como inivido, timido... no sabría que decirle bien. Tampoco se si es solo conmigo... pero que diferencia la hay, la hay. Si usted tambien nota esto y tiene una razon, de chusma que soy, me gustaria saberla.
Otra cosa que quiero decir... ademas de que supongo que usted ya lo sabe de seguro, es que me tengo que aguantar, cada vez que lo veo, el no pararme en puntitas de pie (conoce mi problema de altura) para robarle un buen beso... No me parece que las cosas así de explicitas sean su estilo, es muy yo, el ir asi de frente (aguantando el golpaso contra la pared!) pero lo que dije es 100% verdad y no me molesta en lo mas minimo que usted lo sepa, si a usted le molesta saberlo desde ya le pido disculpas, no era mi intencion ponerlo en una situacion incomoda, aunque me parece que entre nosotros siempre hay algo que molesta. Los dos sabemos cuando la "molestia" se va...
Habiendome sacado eso de adentro, le cuento que hace dias que estoy buscando manera de decirlo pero por mas careta que soy, no me dio la cara y esta fue la unica manera que se me ocurrio de comunicarselo, espero no haber arruinado nada...
En fin, lo hecho, hecho esta!
Le queria decir antes de terminar esta perorata que estoy realmente disfrutando todo esto, sea lo que sea y termine donde termine!. Nunca mas me voy a olvidar de anatomia y a pesar del stress y los nervios que me deja el estudio, no puedo encontrar mas que buenos recuerdos de los meses pasados gracias a usted.
No me pregunte porque estoy diciendo todo esto porque no se, hoy cuando llegue a casa senti que tenia que escribir esto y aca esta!. Me encanta lo que estoy viviendo ahora, el "que pasara?", los nervios de verlo, los planes inconclusos que hacemos, las horas de charla vacia de las cuales rescato y valoro cada silava (no tanto cuando me silva... ahi trato de rescatar mi timpano). No sé Bentancur, dia que pasa, me parece que lo conosco mas y mas me gusta... es terrible!
Yo ya no le voy a reclamar nada, estoy mas que jugada hace rato, y si esto es todo lo que me toca recibir, estoy mas que contenta. No le voy a negar que con usted yo querria Todo (si, asi con mayuscula), pero hay cosas que no se pueden y cosas que si, voy a dejar de mirar lo que me falta y mirar lo que tengo..., lo que tuve (aunque sea por algunas horas en reiteradas ocaciones). Como ya le dije una vez, con usted es adoracion (por no gastar una palabra que sin ser cuando hablo con usted, no sabe el uso que le doy!!!). Me encanta que me abri (de mi antipatia en celular), que le hable, que lo conoci y que pude otra vez sentirme asi. Ya le dije una vez gracias, asi que para que reiterarme??
Un beso enorme, tiene todo mi afecto.
Why don't you do somethin'?? :: 12:56 AM
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! something like that was the scream I just gave. There was this horrible, disgusting, totaly scary spider on the wall... and I wanted to listen to music, and I couldnt with the spider there cause if it moved I'd go crazy!. So I decided to kill her, grabbed the insectiside and a shoe and I took a deep breath and I sprayed her. There she was with her eight creepy legs like forming a circle... and when the spray hit her she moved and then fell and I screamed and ran away!. And here I am... still with the shoe and theinsectiside... on the second floor of the house.... she is in the first floor... and Im not returning there until Tere arrives and confirms her death.
Gosh...I hate spiders!!!!! Its not a fobia, but if i dont have to be around them, then I wont... always try to avoid them!!!. I could have never done what harry did in CoS and walk right into Aragog's cave?, nest?... well, you know what I mean... I'd have been like Ron... "Harry, can we panic now???" Hahaha... ust remembered Rupert's face... hilarous!!!
Yesterday I saw him and he called me around 00:20... and I was just about to go to bed... I earned me a good old talk with me dad for today. He told me to cut the phone when he came up to bed... and I didnt... and then around 1:30 he knocked on my door so that I cut... Well, it was 'Tin, I couldnt help it!!!!!.
About him... he is... weird is not the word..., but he is much playfull, and I dunno, Im not saying it is a bad thing... I love this "mood" he is in... It is just not what I knew... but i like it... if onlyhe could be this playfull when we are like face to face at the univ... but there he is serious and all that... not like someone I know... ME!
Im listening to Franz Ferdinand new cd and I love it... its really good, like Alex kapranos said, much better than the first one, still in their sensual style... And now that I said Sensual... I need some new Maroon 5 material!!!
What else... I have to study a lot... Im way behind in class... *im thinking about the spider...hope she is dead!* Oh! I dont know if Ive said this but in McFly there are 4 boys... all goodlooking, the most handsome is Harry Judd, drums... and I was looking for pics of the band the other day and found this one where Harry looks exactly like that boy..., the one that will never leave my head (lucky for me he left my heart a while ago), Gabriel f*cking Mayer!!. He has the same look Gaby had back when I met him, 1999. The worst is that I have that pic as wallpaper... did anyone said
masoquist??. It brings good memorys... some bad too, of course...with Gaby it was always more bad that good...
Enough! Gabriel is gone! Ok... im gonna go study a lil to wait for TICHO... I missed studing with my ticho!!!! Bye bye...
later on I'll tell you what happened with the spider!
Why don't you do somethin'?? :: 9:59 AM
*singing* "Play c'mon play that song, play it all night long... just turn it up and turn me on... I just wanna dance... is that a crime??? Now Mr. DJ, I asked you 3 times...Play my mother f*cking song!!!! "
Ok... yesterday I had a parcial exam... and Im surprised to say it went pretty well... I invented in the semi-open question... but the multiple choise I answered only what I was sure (100%) of, and the recognizing I did it all good.. so... I think Im over 40... and that was the goal so... Great!!! Of course I had the "hearts" and they always bring me luck!!!
What else?... Oh I got two jeans from my brother... it is a lil pathetic the fact that your 16 year old brother gives you jeans cause they are short for him... (he must be around 1,70 - 1,75 while Im 1,61...) BUT (and this is a very good but) they fit me!!!!, and this is great cause if you had to compare my brother with something you'd say he is a tall, thin pole or anything tall and slim... The only thing that is wrong about them is that they are male jeans... they are high, I like low ride jeans... lets modify them!!!! Later I'll tell you what I did with them.
I saw "Sin City" FINALLY!!!!, It wasnt this GREAT AMAZING thing, but it was v.good.. I love the photograph of that film... with the black and white, and the red and yellow popping every now and then... And the characters were funny and well, GREAT makeup!!!. I liked it.
Then I went to bed... I was so tired!!!, but at a normal hour, 12:45... early for me...
Well, Im gonna go have breakfast (11:43... its more a lunch hour dont you think???) Wanna talk to him.. maybe today I'll see him, yesterday I barely got a glance!!...BYE!!!!
Why don't you do somethin'?? :: 11:46 AM
*Dancing to Chayanne... que dios se apiade de ti...*
I just realized this.... trick my subconcious played me.
Remember that line I write some posts ago about the featheras and fly and the floor... Im so stupid... I didnt invent it... well, I did but with this great background Im so proud to say it was from my lovely blond lady!!! (if you dont know who she is...look around... did anyone say Britney???)
What am i talking about.... listen to this:
"Everytime I try to fly I fall,
without my wings, I feel so small...
I guess I need you baby"
Its so obvious I took that analogy from there!!!... Pitty I was happy thinking that I was the "brainer" of that line.
Now im gonna tear my vocal cords singing "Unbreak my heart" I downloaded the karaoke version a long time ago and havent used it yet... poor neightbours!!!! Later on I'll tell you if I reached the note.
Btw, im so "freaking" today (I know that line is wrong, but I wrote exactly what I wanted)
Byeeee!
Why don't you do somethin'?? :: 9:54 AM
Ok... just a few words... Forget about the blue and green dialogue... Its all forgotten...I love you!!!! Bye!
Aby! *wink*
Why don't you do somethin'?? :: 9:24 AM
Martin... si te sobra el tiempo... leete esto... esta un poco largo... pero me interesaria saber que opinas...Y si por una de esas te enoja lo que dice... decime!! Si lo lees por favor decime tu opinion. Ah.. está en ingles... sorry!
Since Im enormusly bored, Im gonna explain my day as a dialogue... I feel like writing, so amuse me and read it... thanks!!!.
"The thing that "bothers" (and look, I said bother... so its no bid deal...which is worst!!!) me the most is that Im not angry!!...wanna know why?, 'cause I never got exited... and why would that be? If the guy you are deeply inlove "asks you out" (it not much like that anyway!) you should be as exited as you can be!, you should be jumping up and down, foalting on air, the smile on your face should be so huge ppl should ask you whats going on... your mood should have changed into this happyness everyone would envy... you should be glowing!!!!, yet non of that happened... why?"
"Do I have to guess?.. Im great at it"
"Go ahead... I bet you cant find the reason, its too sad to even consider"
"First thing I think... is that you are not as inlove as you thought you were..."
"NO..., Thats not the one, Im as inlove as I was since I realized, maybe even more...(if its posible)"
"Ok, then... you are scared of what may happen... a hundred "what if...?" fload your mind until they pop out your ears..."
"NO.... Me... scared? I might walk around the house with a baseball bat when Im alone... but guys dont scare me... not yet anyway"
"Mmm... what can it be then?? You are so frigid nothing exites you anymore....??"
"C'MON... NO!... Its me we are talking about!!... even a blind man can testify that Im No frigid b!tch. Would you like me to tell you or will you keep guessing??
"Explain please... I give up!!!"
"Well, its easy... I never believed him. Since he said it, I never thought it was going to happen. Maybe that was why it was like 21:00 and I had not taken a shower, and I had not thought about what to wear... I was still in my "sunburning" outfit, watching TV, resting from studing. A girl who truly believed she was going out with her crush that night would have been like crazy around that time... specially cause he havent called up to that moment."
"Oh... You are right..., she would have been crazy... and yes it is sad that you dont trust him in that matter... why? If I may ask..."
"You may and I'll answer, this is was the third time he "kinda", and I say kinda cause it NEVER happens, asked me out... and the first time I was soooo exited and then I was sooooo angry, second time I was a lil skeptic, but I still kept that... illution... of something wonderful happening in your life for a change!... this time... I never even considered it!. And I think thats so sad!. Cause at least for ONCE I wanna have that feeling of insecurity, the exitement, the nervousness, still all of them good... to have a zillion butterflies in my stomach, like I had the first time I felt his lips passing lightly over my cheek...*sigh* What a moment!!!...and the reward was even better... well, I want that back!!!"
"I so understand you!"
"Am I asking for something too imposible???"
"Nope..., I think it is a normal request...."
"I think that too. And I hate the fact that I kinda lost that 'cause I dont believe him. I hear him and Im like... It would be so wonderful it if this happened... And Im not angry at him"
"No?... THAT is weird"
"No, Im not... I mean, each person is as it is, I cant change him and it is NOT my intention, I love him just like he is, in fact I love the fact that he cant keep a promise. Know what, I never even told my girls... only maru...and she was pretty pissed off when I told her it had never happened!"
"That's so maru!!"
"Yeah, I was like... 'calm down girl... If Im not angry why would you be??' And she was cursing from him to his dog going over his whole family!!"
"I can imagine that... a 'coff' or two in the middle...so funny!!"
"Yes..., back to Martin... he said tomorrow... HA..., sunday... HA HA!!! Do I believe him... Im sorry to say I dont... I really am... but they that if you hit the dog it learns... well, he has hit me three times with this one... Ive learned my lesson."
"It is sad as you say, and a pitty that you feel that way... but... a boy will come that will treat you as you like"
"Yeah..., someday, the thing is that I kinda..., who am I fooling!!!??, I wanted HIM to be that boy. I forgot my rules, and my worries and all... I closed my eyes and jumped letting myself fly... but Im loosing my feathers and the floor looks closer and closer"
"Good analogy... so you still love him? No matter what?"
"I know, cant believe I invented that... and yes I do... and it sucks to say that I dont care 'bout all this. I am disappointed, a lil in him, but most of all in me, for dreaming, for keeping the faith that something may happen, for thinking 'this time it will be real', and even If I say I didnt a lil part in me was hoping I was wrong, was waiting for that call, was dreaming of what was going to happen... I'll accept through out the day I found myself picturing this lovely scenes where things turned out to be 1000 times better than what I hoped for... BUT"
"There is always a 'but'..."
"...But its me.., and as I always explain, im not pesimistic, Im realistic... so I torn in pieces each and every dream... is a mechanism to prevent me from getting hurt... it worked... im just disappointed!!"
"So... Im gonna take a liberty and suggest you to try, even though I know you are going to say it is imposible, to forget Martin and start looking... ONLY LOOKING, for someone new"
"You said it first... I cant, It is imposible... Im so stuck in this!... ha.. Stacie Orrico's song!!!. Anyway... I cant look for someone else, no... this wasnt a crush you simply forget and move on, it takes time, first to forget, then to stay calm and then you start considering going once more down that path... it took me how much to get OVER gabriel for once and for all??..."
"Are you over him?"
"Today I can say I am... two years ago... I couldnt!"
"And is Martin same, higher or lower that Gaby?"
"Higher... "
"Oops..."
"You said it..."
"Im sleepy..."
"Me too, I wrap it up. I love him, I dont believe his promises, still I keep the faith of a change. Im not angry at him, it was a good reason, but I cant help to wish he had not said it. I also would have loved him to call me... cause if I didnt call I think I'd still be waiting. But sad as it is, Im used to him doing that, Im used to waiting, Im used to disppointment and im used to the pain of the pulling of the feathers... I hope they run out soon...
Bye...Mcfly is waiting for me by my bed*wink*"
"I suggest "I'll be ok" *sings* when your down, and lost, and you need a helping hand, when your down, and lost along the way... just tell yourself I.... I'll be ok!!!"
"Thanks.... bye!"
Why don't you do somethin'?? :: 1:47 AM
Im totaly caught by "Ariadna". The more I look at that drawing the more her character adquires strength and form... I need to write this weekend, at least her introduction in the book. Wow, those eyes came out exactly as I had them on my mind.... I love when that happens, when things come out the exact same way you had imagined.
Then, about Mcfly... im punishing me with them!!... since yesterday they are the only thing I listen to. I already have "Wonderland" and Im hours away from having "Room on the 3rd floor", so exited!!!! Cant wait to play this out loud on my room... Im sure with some songs I might even "exite" my dad to come along with his guitar if he is around this weekend.
I dont know If I said this but the other day this guy, Daniel, wrote me cause he had read "In silence" and was willing to rewrite it with my permition, which I already gave. He wants to correct the millions of mistakes I made... (thats what happens when you dont reread) and he also wanted to make some changes... so Im very exited to see how it comes out... I love "In silence"... its the most popular of my storys.
Cant wait to read it!!!!
I had class, very normal day... the "old" (who cares about his age, he is HOT!!) good-looking grrrrr! professor was still lingering when we had theoric... shirt and cream trouser... couldnt contain my eyes!
And he kept interrupting into the class... and we all were like radars when he came in, but most of all when he left... *wink...sigh*
I love that..., its been a long time since I had been like that... Since my "mentor" (Vero Corbo) and I separated... how old was I? like 16... now with 20 I reach higher levels of lust.
Anyway... saw him just a sec, but at night we talked from 11:15 until almost 1:30... about what you ask?... nothing... normal funny meaningless conversation... like we always have... silly fights, and this time I wasnt the "fighting" one... it was him!
Ok... Im gonna go listen a lil more Mcfly... I feel like "I'll be ok" *wink*
Bye!!!
Why don't you do somethin'?? :: 12:04 AM
Mcfly stole my heart!!!! I cant believe I've fallen so fast with this band... Ive been listening to their songs all morning and with each song I hear I love them even more!!!.
"All about you", "I'll be ok", "5 colors in her hair"... They are all so f*cking amazing!!!!!.
*listening to I'll be ok...* Its imposible to stay still... you find yourself nodding if you are not on your feet dancing like crazy... like im gonna do.
*back from dancing around the room* Gosh... cant wait to have this two cds!!!. Actually I have nothing else to say... but I had to mark the time and day that Mcfly entered my life, cause it feels like they are here to stay!!!!!
Bye!!!!
Why don't you do somethin'?? :: 3:10 PM
Where was I? alright... *trying to recall what I wrote yesterday so I can start where I finished*
Got it!
So I didnt have red cheeks by the time I had class. I saw again my gals...I missed them... much more than him...<-- and this kinda surprises me, knowing me, but hey, looks like ppl actually change with time.
Theoric was nice..., nothing important to say about that, then we had a long and useless practic lesson and when we were leaving (saw old hot professor.... grrrrrrr! *catlike*) they were talking about Maju's b-day and... WHY NOT??
So came home, ate my barely nothing meal and in half an hour I was out on the street going to pick up my dear ticho! We went walking to Lucia's and I knew we were close to his house so.. why not drop by?... but ticho sent the message to his house!!! and then when we realised this we were on our way to the b-day and he was just arriving home... I SO wanted to go back... but, NO!. If Im gonna carry this on, Im not gonna do what I always do with boys... melt down on the floor and do exactly what they want me to... like make everything easy and crawl and... NO!
We were saying ppl change, well, this is me changing once more, I love him, but im not gonna crawl... I always regret that afterwards... (Gabriel, Sebastian... <-- remember that you lame silly girl!!!) <-- I need to do that, its for me, Im not that crazy, trust me!
I have great great geat news!!!!... today I went to Carola's house and like I always do I paid a lil visit to the scale and guess what... since saturday (and my lovely sick saturday) Ive lost 3 Kg... Im so AMAZED!!!!... adding them to the ones previously lost Ive lost in the past 3 months around 7 kg... YEI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Of course, I dont notice, but... why would a mechanic object lie???? AB-SO-LUTELY NO reason!!!!!
*jumping around still exited*
Well, the b-day was great, had a blast! returned home around 4:30. Today was a very quiet lovely day.
Went to get sunburned with carol, talked a lot about nothing and everything, and then we picked up ticho and went to the univ to vote.
Saw him... looking cute as always (dont smile, you know I think that about you!... big surprise!!!<-- sarcastic!) also saw some ppl Im not so used to see like Lucia and Carolina crocco... just weird....
Now im home... tonight Uruguay-Argentina, the world cup is the price so... Wish us luck!!! Im gonna go now...
WOW... I was playing this old mp3 list I have in my Pc and this song from Darren Hayes started and just this lyrics (they were like... haha... you!!!). some of the lines in the song were very... I felt very connected with lines like this...:
"Gimme that strange relationship,
Never felt pleasure and pain like this,
Something so right but it feels so terribly wrong
I keep holding on..."
Why don't you do somethin'?? :: 8:29 PM
Ok.. so little by little (sing that like noel!!!) Im going back to my "normal" (If that word can be used in a sentence about me) state. I havent been eating a lot... actually I have been eating barely nothing... small lunch, smaller dinners and sth along with a tea in the morning and afternoon... I said, after the food left my stomach the hard way im not that exited about putting food in there again!!!. Actually this must be my biggest meal and I cant say it in english but im eating "1 porcion de torta de jamon y queso" (something like a sandwich... so you see... its not much...) And my crazy self bougth herself a diet coke... I needed one!!!
Enough about eating!!!... ITS BORING!!!! I cut my hair... AMAZING huh? I never do that... (<-- being very sarcastic, 4 those who dont know me!) This time I think I cut too much... same style as before, dyed it black as always... I need to sleep on it to see how it will look from now on... It always look great dirty... not greasy dirty... but nearly. Then after the first wash, the color will look great... and the water in my bath will look dark violet... soooooo interesting!!!!
I cant believe the surprise that was waiting 4 me today when I opened this page... A mesage from my dearest and most loved friend... Lucas!!! Gosh I miss that boy... and to believe I met him cause we coincide for 5 seconds in the chat of the i-mesh... THAT is amazing. You never know where and when you are going to meet some of the most special persons in your life, and i can asure here and now, that he is one of those!!!
Whats more amazing is that yesterday night after I turned off the computer is that I went downstairs and my dad was watching this documentary about Koalas and they were showing different places in Australia... And I remembered about him (he is from there, yeah I like to keep my friends close to me... like... on the other side of the world!!! <-- sing that like KT Tunstall) And they were talking about trees, and how they are cutting them for buildings and roads.... and everything reminded me of him... (he worked on this program to... cant find the word in english but you know.. to plant trees and return the natural "flora" to a place) I was like I MISS LUCAS!!! And...
SURPRISE SURPRISE!!!! like I said, he made my day... LOVE YOU HONEY!!! even though we aint talking that often you are always on my mind, and in very happy and caring thoughts!!!
Anyway...If only my "closer" (a few blocks away... YES, YOU!!!!) love (and Im not saying he is sth mine... no, I dont have that pleasure) would surprise me someday..., not leaving me a message..., some other way..., but no..., only guys in australia or other countrys do that..., here in Uruguay looks like the gurl must do the work.
And Ive been thinking about that... And every couple I know was formed after the girl did all the hard work..., each and everyone...(Ive been doing my research, I know what im talking about!) Its not like that boys..., sometimes we like to be treated, to be taken care of... Not all the time 'cause it can be a lil annoying (especially if you have my personality)but..., from time to time its actually really nice... Is it too much to ask for?
Anyway, ending my speech (two "e"s an "ea"... im pro-misspelling today!) of the day... and with my belly already doing its weird sounds (characteristic since saturday!!!) Im gonna say that with a very big smile I say Goodbye!!
The sun is shining outside and im gonna take advantage of that... I want my cheeks red for tonight!!!
Thanks for reading... tune in tomorrow for a lil more of my "Not"? so crazy Life!
Why don't you do somethin'?? :: 3:03 AM
Im hesitating whether "awfull" goes with one or two "l"s ...
Ok... friday was great... I talked with Maru and with Tin in the afternoon, I cooked, I studied, then I had class... once more he had this lovely smell I fancy a lot... Then We had class TWICE!!! with this teacher I fancy a lot... specially when he asked me things in class and he called me "Rodriguez Rodriguez" (just like 'tin... see the patern???)I was like.... yes????????????, thank god I always could answer him!.
Anyway, at night I arrived early (considering the hours im used to arrive) I had dinner, and went to bed around 12:30... so normal... but I woke up on saturday with this horrible headache and all of the sudden came a stomach ache... and well... It had been so long since the last time I threw up (Remember Azuqui... you had a good laugh that time!!!).
The whole day was a waist... I never moved from the couch cause each time I moved I got dizzy...and it was horrible... 38,5º I was like awake but sleepy... The only moment I felt "fine" (I had 38,1º) was aroud 20:00 when I saw this special in HBO from Chris Rock and I had a good laugh... sometimes I couldnt even read the subtitles cause my eyes were all watery from laughing. That was the higlight of my day... amazing huh???.
I talked by SMS with Fede and he was alright... we even joked about him buying me a stomach in the frontier!!!. No... never... mine was clean enough to trade it!!!.
What else? talked with Anita...and that was all. Today (sunday) I woke up much better... I even ate (the only thing I ate all saturday was three spoons of mashed apple... yumi!!! and then I threw them up!), I took a bath and laid outside at the sun... watched cinderella... mom was right her dress was white and grey.. I was so sure about blue!! Anyway, im out...
Bye!
Why don't you do somethin'?? :: 7:31 PM
Got up at.. and listen to this carefuly... 7:00 AM!!!!! Amazing huh??
Well, I studied the region I had to (even though in class they never asked about this!!!) and at ten I decided to get some time for myself... got Brit's "Britney" cd and played it OUT LOUD!!!... the whole block listened to the cd!... ji-ji!!!
Around 11 came ticho... we read a lil about arterys and along came Caro. We read a lot... I still need to... Impress this on my brain... someone said boring weekend????
Anyhow, talked to him, university stuff, nothing interesting to say about that... we talked a lot with caro and ticho about dresses and my future hair-cut... im doubting whether to follow my crazy self... or not!... You all know how much I LOVE my crazy self!!!!! *mmm, eating jelly....*
What else? got to the univ, talked a lil with nico, then we had class, saw Vale... gosh, I owe her a phone call tomorrow... im gonna write my hand so I dont forget!!!. Normal practic class, then theoric, saw Brum... but not the part we wanted to... *evil grin*
Saw him, but for just a second... How many time have I said this... I dont know(actually I dont know If I ever posted it here) I love his smile... it was the first thing that caught my attention in his direction... after this one time we returned together in the bus... we were talking about... inmunology... and he laughed at something (my memory is good but not THAT good) and I was like... what a lovely & cute smile!!?? And that was the first time I started looking at him with different eyes *that is a kinda cute memory... im gonna write that to paper*
Oh! I almost forgot!!!!!! what a moment I had in the other practic class... HE, made me explore the neck and all that stuff and then HE searched for the vein on my neck... you should have seen ticho's face.... she was like OH MY GOSH!!! and afterwards she was like "You bitch!!!" So much fun... oh, made a fool of myself... my hand full on the dead guy... no glove... Everyone was watching and I was like what? and HE asked "why did you put on a glove if you are going to touch with your bare hand???" And then I realized and I was like "EWWWW" (so summer like!!!) and then what could I do?... I laughed!!!! ( so me....)
Anyway, had a normal journey back home, ate more than I had to but not crazy like and now im here, my tea is cold and im gonna go heat it (this is the most interesting thing you read so far!!! am I right???)
Bye!!!
Why don't you do somethin'?? :: 12:12 PM
Ok... so I find it odd to write now that he can read this... but there must always be an obstacle... It wouldnt be my life without one, and so im gonna walk right over it!
What to say what to say... Saw him very lil... almost nothing... life oh life!
I have something to say!, That guy, bold one... he can be sooooo annoying! first he cant keep his mouth shut!, then he is sooooo stupid, I mean c'mon... you are NOT FUNNY!!!!!!!! Second... why does he always do that? When Tin is in the bus, he is right there, in the middle... and when he is not... he totaly ignore us... like if he was alone... HEY today I drove him to the univ! At least have manners... and that is why im complaining... acutally the ride back home is much more enjoyable without his company... the conversation is actually fun!!!
Well, the hormones... you know, once a month every girl... you have the general idea, no need for details!!
What else... the two most gorgeous anathomy teachers passed by my group, letting themselves be seen. Grrrrrrrrr! (<-- for those who really know me... this is SO ME!)
What else, what else? Im wondering as always if I should call, its a lil late 23:45... I know he is up... what im really wondering is if he would like me to call, cause maybe he aint THAT talkative. It would be nice to know... If you read this let me know!!!
Maybe a little tiny call? It wont hurt anyone... and whats the worst that could happen... he can say "hey I cant talk right now" or he might not even be home or already asleep...mmm doesnt change me in any way (Im in a great mood, the pain of my... lets say "belly" is gone thanks to that magic pill!!! Thats why I love medicine and science!!!)
Its a sec... lets see... (and this goes to my beloved Azuquita!!! a lil reality bolg!!!!)
wait a sec while i search for his cel phone...found it!... uh.... *silence... watch out... a mosquito!!!... mosquito gone... RIP*
ok... eating with a friend...I love his accent...(pa que te divierats, porque SÍ tenes acento!) is different from carotida's... dunno what it is...
Im gonna go write some e-mails and listen again to that song "I dont care... I just wanna be yours... nanananananananananana" I dont know the rest of the lyrics... its the new song from Ricky Martin.
A guy from MSN that I have no idea who he is...(like most of my contacts) just told me that it was a shame that I had a boyfriend... I DONT HAVE ONE!!! and why does he think i do? and who is him????... "too many questions... I need an answer..." (from that song from toploader "dancing in the moonlight" I heard it this morning while abs!)
Anyhow... I was saying bye... I already wished G-Luck to a friend and now... im done for today (I have nothing more of interest to write... like all the stuff above was interesting... yeah sure!!!!!! )
Bye!!!!!
Why don't you do somethin'?? :: 12:31 AM
Ok... so I did it, and I feel actually free... Its like this huge weight left my back.
I cant change his mind, I dont intend to..., I cant rush him either, if sth will happen then it will when it has to, and if nothing happens... then I'll keep a nice memory... being this accepted, I feel... at ease.
Ok... not much to say, i think that the big issue of today was giving him this address and the key to everything I think and feel... which is a lot and can confuse anyone! But Im still waiting for a reply about this so called diary.
Im feeling so much better...in the few words we crossed he didnt sound too scared... Im not scary, im just maybe a bit too straight ahead... no detours...
Anyway, I have to talk with Vale, i totaly forgot... gotta call her tomorrow!!!
Going to wait for him to call me!
bye
Why don't you do somethin'?? :: 12:34 AM
Vos querias leer esto... bueno..., leelo. Pero primero tenes que saber algunas cositas. La primera y mas obvia, es que me mataste, desde antes de la primera vez, hasta ahora, me mataste (en el buen sentido). No se porque ni como, pero de un momento para otro, PAFF!... No hay explicacion coherente, por lo menos yo no la puedo encontrar, me pasó y tá! Que le voy hacer? quien soy yo para ir contra natura???
La cosa es que quizas usted no estuviera al tanto de la.. "intensidad" de mis sentimientos hacia usted, no le quise decir porque los de su genero (masculino) suelen asustarse ante la confesion. Pero bueno, como es mi estilo y costumbre llega un momento en que pongo toda la carne en el asador y le cuento así todo lo que me he cayado hasta ahora. Ya sabe la pagina... la cancion está acá (en el post que lleva de titulo "OH MY GOSH" o algo así) así que ya no hay misterios, ya no hay secretos... lo unico que sigue siendo para mi un misterio es usted y que piensa y siente (supongo que algo siente) por mi persona.
Otra cosa que usted no sabe es la fragilidad de mi persona... con todo aquello de me volvio la inspiracion (cuando lo llamé para decirle Gracias...) se me rompió la pared que me había formado para "protegerme" de todas estas cosas.
Pero usted me movio el piso y con eso... adios pared!!!
En fin, la cosa es que ultimamente (sumandole el estres de la facultad) estoy a full, en especial emocionalmente, lo de maru no ayudo en nada... es mas es algo que estoy tratando de no pensar en y como que usted ayudaba a eso. Ayer (como leera despues) salio todo. Realmente contaba con hablar con usted, ayer(domingo) estaba re preparada para cualquier cosa (o sea, para que usted me mandara al carajo) pero usted en lugar de decirme eso... no me llamo y despues me prorrogó la llamada para esta tarde (son las 15:10 y obviamente sigo esperando). Eso era lo unico que no podia pasar... una prorroga... pero bueno, la vida es extraña... supongo que de esto algo voy a aprender y dentro de un tiempito cuando lea esto no me voy a sentir mal. Porque para que ocultarlo, no estoy saltando!!!
No hay mucho mas que decir, yo a usted lo adoro a pesar de lo poco que lo conosco. No era mi intencion asustarlo, ni apurarlo ni nada... yo solo queria hacer las cosas bien pero sabiendo si valia la pena hacer algo... lo que pasó pasó y estubo buenisimo (esto sono re-pajero!!) Sigo esperando su... respuesta nó porque no hice pregunta... pero me encantaria que me dijera si lo asuste, si ya lo sabía, si quiere algo, o si no quiere nada... pero por favor le pido que no me haga esperar mas y me diga algo... no importa lo que sea, con la "respuesta" me manejo yo y va a estar todo bien sea cual sea, solo deme una!. Ya te dije que las situaciones inconclusas, las cosas pendientes... no son de mi mayor agrado.
Otra cosita antes de terminar esta pseudo carta... Le pido discreción... apesar de que yo publico esto acá... usted no lo publique en montevideo... (cuento con que el lolo y el fede van a saber si es que no estan leyendo con usted ahora!) Le estoy hablando con la puerta totalmente abierta... tenga cuidado con lo que hace porque me puede matar, y no en el sentido bueno (el que usé al principio... ojo tampoco en el sentido fatalista que dicha palabra implica.. <-- que frase tan... "escrito de literatura")
Bueno negrito... ya esta todo dicho.. para abajo esta lo que sentí, pensé, etc en casi cada dia (no escribo todos los dias!) desde... la fiesta de medicina. Enjoy... creo...
Y vas a ver como ahora tiene sentido cuando te decia que no tenias que leer esto, y que me parecia que no estabas preparado para saber todo.... espero haberme equivocado...
Beso enorme
Aby!
Why don't you do somethin'?? :: 3:30 PM
Ok... very very bad feeling... As you all may know, we took another spin around the carrusel, it was great... we talked on friday about having to talk... we mentioned it again on saturday making it clear we would talk today (sunday)... Why am I always waiting for him on Sunday!!!!!??????
Anyway... I told him I wanted to talk to him about this face to face... not over the phone... and I said, before you return home call me and we can get this off our backs... of course... he never called. I just called him home, talked to his sister cause he wasnt there...
If he is going to tell me something positive, he would have said it so long ago... This only means he wants nothing with me but to have fun each time we coincide somewhere... Im feeling so broken-harted...
Im not angry, im disappointed. I put so much effort in this, I waited, I gave him time, always expecting a happy ending... but now I dont see any. I wish he could read this... maybe after he rejects me I'll finally give him the URL of this page. Just so he can see what I went through, how I felt, when he called and when he didnt... Gosh... I feel like crying. Im so afected by him, last night I was on such high... and then today after we talked I was fine, anxious, but fine... but now, I know whats coming, and I dont wanna hear it, though I know I have to.
If only I would have done things MY way, I would have ended this two weeks ago and maybe today I'd be feeling better already... but no!!!
Great... first tear... it is going to be a long night....
Why don't you do somethin'?? :: 10:12 PM