We... well, I should had left more time between one call and another... we talked for like hour and a half two days in a row... and today, that Im pretty sure he wont call..., I miss him. I love our long meaningless conversations!!!.
I have nothing to look fowards today..., and tomorrow it will be a slow morning... PLUS I have tons to study... im so happy!!! (<-- that was very ironic!!) I miss him!!... Im gonna try to drown my feelings in the Goblet of Fire, Harry is the only one that can make me forget at least for an hour. I so wanted to talk to him today... he looked amazing!, Blue is a great color on him!. But on the way back in the bus this stupid stupid guy kept medling and I was like... GO AWAY!!!!!!!! NO ONE CARES!!!!!
If mariana apears in less than 8 minutes I'll make her send him a message... PLEASE MAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOW!!!!!!!!!! she never appeared... FUCK!!!
tomorrow im telling him the words... he wont find it...ive been looking for my site for the past half hour and nothing so....!!!! to call or not to call that is the question... called... he didnt pick up (cel phone of course!!!)
ok... gone to bed... missing him... what else can i do!
Bye!
Per!
Why don't you do somethin'?? :: 11:05 PM
Ok... I havent been writing since I have been studing a lot... but today, sunday 25th at 10:46 am...IM ABOUT TO EXPLOTE!. I tried not to think about everything we talked on Thursday, but it was a lil imposible!!!
The bigger issue of that talk was something that looked like a date... that would be happening today... but I dont know, and I dont think it will be happening since we havent talked since that day.
I know..Im being pesimist, a lil paranoic... HEY!!!! its ME!!!!!, How can I not feel insecure...and fooled and... I cant help those feelings... they are kinda natural in me!.
I called on friday since on thursday he was a lil ill... no one answered the phone, and I was NOT going to leave a message on the answering machine... so I waited friday and saturday for a call that never came... Im not saying there HAD to be a phone call... but it would have been nice, but I couldnt make it...so it had to come from him... and well, now it is all coherent (knowing our background!!!)
Anyway...Im just being crazy... or not, AHHHHHH! I have no idea on how to react. This boy is driving me crazy!!!
Im gonna wait a lil more!
Bye!
Why don't you do somethin'?? :: 10:54 AM
I have no idea why, but that song popped into my head as i was thinking the title for this post.
Well people!!!... today nothing much happened... I saw Vale... we talked a little, she is so great!!!, really cause maybe it is because it is like talking to me, but... I feel like Ive known her my whole life... and she has turned into a great confident ( I tell her a lot of what happens to me).
Then I saw him, of course and I said hi, he was looking amazing as usual!. But the best came in theoric class, I though I wasnt going to see him, but to my surprise they changed everything and all the grups had class together... so I saw him all the time I was at the univ!!!. YEI!!!!
It was even better when the professor giving the second theoric got the great idea of standing beside him to talk... I had to look at the professor, how could I be so disrespectfull to an authority!...My head was directed towards the professor though my eyes were FIXED on someone else...*evil grin!!*
What else?... Cant think of anything so... this ends here!... bye bye!!
Hope chrismas comes sooner this year (like in the next half hour!!!) <-- I'll explain this later... if there is something to explain.
Bye!!!
Why don't you do somethin'?? :: 12:00 AM
Ok... so I wrote... ready to go to bed... the thing is that I never even stood up cause guess who called to make my day whole?????
YES!!!!!! him! I was like..ok I saw him and I talked to him... it was a good day...but suddenly my cell phone rang... Jingle bell!!! (the sound I gave him) and my heart stopped for a second and I was like... NO F*CKING WAY!!!!!
Then he called me here... and we've been talking for the last... I dunno... half hour... GOSH I LOVE TALKING WITH HIM!!!!!.
You all can imagine I feel very stupid about my anger last week and all, althoug I might get it back in a second!!. I told him some lil things like... I dunno... that he could get me with a smile... and things that maybe he didnt get or that he doesnt really get the meaning.. I even said that I have more streangth to say no on the phone...cause Im not looking at him, cause if I were I would be saying yes immediately... (not in those words but yes, that was the idea... and it was splicit... no hidden meaning lines!!!)
MY SMILE IS HUGE!!!!!!... we even talked in english... we are so... I cant think right now... Im way to happy to even keep thinking in english!
Im leaving... im gonna have a great dream tonight!!!
LOVE HIM and you all too!!!! I love life tonight!
bye!
Why don't you do somethin'?? :: 12:48 PM
First of all, in the matters of HIM nothing happened. Kissed him hi... like we usually do, and he gave me a lovely smile like he always does... and that was it... OH NO! I almost forgot I think i caught him staring at me during class and I raised my eyebrows at him, just in case... to say... im looking too.
Besides that, nothing more. I bought a lovely belt today and some underwear too. I stayed at ticho's house all day until univ. I said Happy birthday to Juan... even pulled his ear!!! (I so love doing that!!!)
But the star today was the teacher that gave the theoric class... OH MY GOSH! he had such a perfect A$$... we were all like WOW!!! 'cause he aint in his 20s... he looks like 30s but he has a great body... all girls were like amazed!!!
Cant wait for his next theoric class, it was also a great class..learned a lot...of anathomy...*evil grin*
Bye...
Why don't you do somethin'?? :: 12:48 AM
There is no turning back, and I know Ive said this over and over again over the few posts on this blog... but each day that passes, no matter how happy, or angry I am... I cant help but to realize how deep Ive fell with this boy.
Today he arrived late to class...well, actually he never arribed to the first theoric class...so my mood was all sad and gloomy and very very blue! (Sin venas atrombosadas!!!... joke for the spanish speaking ppl)
Well, the thing is that in between classes I ran to the bathroom and then to the cafeteria and when I was coming up (cafeteria is in the bottom floor) I see him!!!.
I walked straight up to him to kiss him hi! (he looked at me and smiled with that very very very beautiful smile he has!!!) and he kissed my cheek... you know... lips against cheek..WOW!!!! I was melting, plus he looked at me in a weird funny kinda sexy way and I had to say something... cause I was enjoing that look!!, so I was like "We have class again now" (this was said while I walked behind him and he turned to look at me while I talked) so he answered sth like "Yes, I know, Im going..." And so feeling rather stupid I walked away with Madolina who was a few steps ahead of me and when we turned around the hall she was like... "He so looked at you", but i couldnt see that since i was walking away!.
I was sooooooooo happy!!!!!!! and then we were returning to class and we ran into this lovely professor and he said "How are you two doing?" And we were like "Fine thanks" Both open mouthed drooling like babys!!!. SO FUNNY!!!
Anyway... way back home... he was in the bus... we talked all the way back, about nothing of course!... but it was so lovely to have him sitting next to me... so close..., GOSH!!! I love him!!!!
The funny part is that the moment I step out of the bus I look back to look at him only to find him looking, we both smiled playfully and I watched the bus leave. And my friend there, Mecha was like "YOU ARE SOOOOOOOOO INLOVE!, it shows!" I blushed a lil while I tried to erase the smile from my face... but I did not succed cause it is still on my face!.
I LOVE HIM SO VERY MUCH!, this thursday there is a party at the university and I already told him I was going... Please if someone with a wish to speare is reading this...please wish that we meet in that party... I'll do the rest!!!.
"Im gonna getcha... just like I should, I'll getcha good!!!" Wise Shania!!!!!
Anyway... on other things... I met VALE on friday!!!! She is great... most of you must know all about her... but for those who dont... she is like me... we like almost the same things... very much alike in personality!... I never got a chance to show her my lovely boy... she wanted to see him...maybe some other time!.
Well, im gonna go grab a bite of something and then... bed!!! and a lovely dream with him!!! (if only I had control over what i dream... then I end up dreaming about class and tests... and well, boring stuff!!!!)
Im so inlove!!!
Bye
Why don't you do somethin'?? :: 11:42 AM
Im just... too angry and I sat to think a few minutes before starting this post just to clear my head.
I came to the conclution that what bothers me the most is inestability. Since my break away from my bubble in 1999 Ive always tried to be in situations where I knew where I was standing and I was able to control not everything but yes what was closer to me.
This whole "inlove" deal has shaken my floor, and Im really not stable. I find myself vulnerable, and I dunno how to say it, Im not in control of myself, HE is, and he doesnt know!!!. Im angry if he doesnt say hi, and Im sad if I dont see him, and if he does talk to me I get so very exited... I hate loosing control!!! And though once this 'love' disappears (I must accept it will fade away with time since I dont see a future here) Im gonna miss all this feelings meltdown... right now I hate it!.
Actually right now I hate him!!, and at the same time I cant help to make excuses for him. After all, I am the one inlove, and I am the one feeling all this things... for him its normal (maybe...I actually have no idea) not to talk to me, and say hi.... but for me, its like punishment!.
See the things Im saying?... Im not like this!!!, my body, and my mind are going crazy and I have no control whatsoever. I need to put an end to this, but at the same time everybody tells me to take things slow... and Im more than Ok with slow... as long as slow reaches somewhere!!!. Right now I feel this is going nowhere!
Today I was very angry... still am...and I listened to "Linkin Park"... and this line just keep echoing in my head
"No, no matter how far we've gone... I cant seem to see tomorrow with you!" (cause you dont seem to want one with me...)
And thats how I feel, and it makes me angry not to be able to act, cause after all this anger... comes a thin dark and sad path down the hill.... and Im so f*cking high!!! The hit against the floor will be horrible!!!
Ok.. no more strength to write and keep myself awake...
Hope this night I dont dream again with him...
Bye!
Per!
Why don't you do somethin'?? :: 12:18 AM
He aint calling... at the univ I hardly see him... Im going down... Im getting bluer by the second (and i think im writing so bad... my english is not good today!!!)
I dunno what to say, im too tired... today I ate a lot... and that doesnt help!!
I simply miss him... I miss seeing him... not even talking, that too much to ask for... I wanna see him!!!!!
I so wanna see him!!!!!!. like in that BSB song...
"Now Im climbing the walls 'cause i miss you"... actually the whole song can relate to my situation...
"Now I cant let you go
you are a part of me now,
caught by the taste of your kiss...
And I dont wanna know,
the reason why I
cant stay forever like this...
now Im clibing the walls cause I miss...
you!!!!!!!!!!"
Nothing more to say... im gone!
Per!
Why don't you do somethin'?? :: 12:15 AM
Ok.. so we talked a lil on friday and that was it... I never even had a kiss goodbye (cheek of course it is too much to ask for something else) on friday... and right now it monday its around midnight and I havent seen him yet... and gosh.... I miss him!!!!!
My weekend was very quiet..., On saturday I did nothing, I did things... but nothing university related. I got together with Barbie... (I missed you so much Azuqui!!!) and Maru gave us the BAD news ( for me, for her I think is great)
She is leaving for spain, she gave us a 99% chance of this happening, and though poart of me is exited about her staring this new adventure, I cant help to feel sad about her leaving... after all she is my other half... we are one... Right Jorge??? (I bet she only understood half of what I wrote here!!!)
Well, sunday... la ticho and Caro came to study... very funny... we made weird sentences to remember all the arterys of the arm... so funny!!!!.
And finally today, la ticho came to study... I waxed my legs!!! (no one cares anyway!) and OH!!! almost forgot... we made plans to go to see MIRANDA! with Madolina, mechona, la ticho and probably more ppl will join us!!!
ES LA GUITARRA DE LOLO!!!!!!! yeah!!!! we wanna shout this with madolina!
Anyway... im going to bed... (after finishing my coffee and milk... yes at midnight!!!) Hope to hav better news tomorrow!.. Keep praying for him to be thinking about me!.
Loving him so much....*sigh*
Why don't you do somethin'?? :: 11:50 PM
OH MY F*CKING GOSH!!!!!!!!! I did it again! after TWO YEARS!!!!!, you all cant have an idea of what this means... its like.... no, I cant compare it to anything. This is clear full proof that I am Indeed inlove with him.
I wrote a new song!!!! The idea came to me during class and I wrote the first three lines, on the way back home I put some music to those three lines and the rest came along... Im amazed!!! Ive been writing lyrics since I am 13, and since 2003 I havent had any stong feelings that could shake me so much to make me express myself through music.
Wooooooooow!!... *still in shock, heart beating fast!!!* Thank you, thank you, thank you, THANK YOU!!!!!!!! (this goes to the guy im inlove with) You all have no idea how much this changes me, Im back to my old sensitive self, not the hard-b!itchy kinda bitter me that has been ruling since Sebastian Fernandez (the last guy I was inlove with).
Are you ready for some more reality blog??? Im hesitating whether to call him to tell him "thank you" (and he will think im crazy!!!... but thats yesterdays news!!!!) or not to call? If this was interactive we could have a voting.
If you think I should call type 1, if you think I shouldnt type 2... the power is yours!!! (that sounded too Captain planet!!!) Gone to the bathroom...calling when I return (in reality blog we would be going to comercials). Im gonna call some gals to see what they say... maru yes, nati yes, mar yes... im calling... no im not cause someone is interrupting...
ITS HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!
OH MY GOSH!!!!! he called me... I was about to do our reality game and HE called!!!! Im in such a rush right now!!!! you have no idea!!! Ive been jumping around the room for the past 5 minutes... and the smile on my face is... wow! Cant describe! Well, I leave you with the song... enjoy!!! and please post a comment, I wanna have a coment!!!
The "I" Word
Never thought, I would say it again
So strong, yet so delicate.
So hard to pronounce
If you think its gonna bounce
back to you,
to break you in two.
Its the 'I' word, that scares me so much
It changes my world and its only a sound,
It cant be touched, it cant be seen,
but it is felt so deep within.
It makes you feel, weak and overexposed
and the chill, reaches deep down into your bones.
You never are prepared,
and nothing can compare...
It belongs to you,
and will always be so true.
Its the 'I' word, that scares me so much
It changes my world and its only a sound,
It cant be touched, it cant be seen,
but it is felt so deep within.
It drives me crazy, I cant stop thinking about it...
At night, at day time, every second, every hour.
And I keep picturing,
It coming from your mouth,
so gentle to my ear,
a lightning to my heart.
Its the 'I' word, that scares me so much
It changes my world and its only a sound,
It cant be touched, it cant be seen,
but it is felt so deep within.
Inlove with you i am...
can you say it back to me?
Why don't you do somethin'?? :: 11:03 PM
Ok, I saw him today, after a whole day of rejoy on our last conversation. BUt I couldnt say hi at the beggining and I only kissed him hi (cheek of course!!!) between classes when I gave him th cds he asked for.
Im surprised of myself since Im having trouble looking at him, it makes me nervous, and im not used to this since Im always very... I cant find a word in english for it. But I love having an "eye contact" fight with a guy, in rare ocations I loose, but with him I cant!... and I hate that, it make me feel weak, silly... NO! Im not like that!!!
Anyway, I returned home hoping for a phone call that never came... and If I tell you all that the song going around my mind is "Against all odds" imagine my... state.
Lines like this pop into my mind:
"How can you just walk away from me?
when all I can do is watch you leave"
"Take a look at me now...
there is just an empty space...
there's nothing left here to remind me,
just the memory of your face" <this one touches deep inside my situation.
"But to wait for you,
is all I can do and thats what I've got to face"<another one, so real!!!!
Anyway... im gonna go listen to that song right now (its urgent!!) and I hope tomorrow I have better knews.
Oh...so funny, today my anathomy professor though me and Natalia were lesbians and thet we were hugging in class!!!! So funny, you should have seen his face!!!!!
Ok... bye!!!
Why don't you do somethin'?? :: 12:35 AM
Saw him, and... gosh he makes me so nervous!!!!. We were like two kids... I dunno, 14 years each, and we were like "hi" and then we both looked at the floor.
I dont want that... I had in mind a very movie-like moment where I would be standing there and he would come walking towards me and kiss me (frenchie-french of course!!!), but it didnt happen, just a regular cheeck hi!. Did anyone say BORING!!!????
Now im calling him... I wanna speak with him now, about what the hell is going to happen here?... dont you all think that it isnt worth waiting for something that wont come (even though if he tells me this I will keep waiting!) The phone is busy!!!!!!, its hard to dial and when you finally press that last number ( 8 for the curious ones) you get the busy signal... AH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!. Im gonna try once more ( and a 100 times more until I get thourgh!) and it is......(im actually dialing... this is reality blog!!!!)busy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! F*ck him!!!!!
He kept looking at me, and obviously I know cause i was looking right back at him!!! and when we were in the bus back home i was standing near by him and little by little (reminded me of the song from oasis) we moved close to eachother but nothing else happened!!!! Thats why im calling now... and it is....free!!!! im talking!!!!
He is so so so cute!!!!. He answered immediately and he told me he was just picking up the phone to call me!!!!!!!!!! We've been talking for the last HOUR!!!!!!!!! We talked about everything... nothing very "love" like... even though we mentioned our snogs, no interesting subject came up.
It was just a talk to... get to know eachother, but...oh gosh... islike when i talked with Gabriel, everything seemed wonderfull after a long talk with him, and it was great 'cause beside some minor silences it was a fluent, adult conversation, not like oday when we talked and looked at our feet!.
Im gonna have a wonderfull dream today... no one can take this smile from me, only him, and I dont think he'll be calling until tomorrow.
So good night to all of you...and great night to me!!!!
Why don't you do somethin'?? :: 12:06 AM
Why don't you do somethin'?? :: 8:51 AM